How Ho'oponopono Works with Relationships

How Ho'oponopono Works with Relationships
Published: January 21, 2009

A year ago, I reached a point that I could not understand my wife. It was hard to make agreements, even to define the type of Pizza to buy for dinner. At that moment I knew that I needed help.

Without wasting time, I contacted a friend in Nicaragua who had experience working with couples. I emailed her asking the following question: “What technique can I use to understand my wife? I need to be coached before I loose my patience; how much will you charge for phone or e-mail consultations?” She responded to my e-mail stating that I had issued a serious question that can not be answered in a quick manner. She needed more details about the aspects on which the problems were appearing and asked me what my contribution to this problem was.

I explained that basically I needed help to find the right way to deal with the negative energy that I was experiencing when my wife was upset. Sometimes I could not understand her reaction to some simple questions that I asked her, and honestly, I was not aware how I was causing this. My friend had to participate in a congress in Guatemala. I just had to wait for her to respond to continue my consultation.

Finally, I got an e-mail from her. She did not mention anything about my request. Instead, she sent a nice power point presentation about el arte de callar y las Máscaras Venecianas (the art of silence and Venetian's masks) to a list of recipients. The body of her message said “el arte de callar nos hace sabios, y el arte de hablar cuando corresponde nos hace amigos (the art of silence makes us wiser, and the art of speaking when appropriate makes us friends).

One of the recipients of this e-mail could not open the attachment and asked for help from the rest of the members on the list. I did not know this person, however, as a courtesy, I sent her the attachment. She was very grateful and we kept in touch.

One day she sent me information about Ho'oponopono in Spanish. It was rich in content and had the collection that was done by a Brazilian artist about this problem solving method. However, I could not understand how to apply it.

She then recommended me a book from Mabel Katz “The Easiest Way”. I searched the internet and found that Mabel Katz and Dr. Hew Len were going to give a teleconference on January 23, 2008. I did not hesitate one bit and I ended up registering for the teleconference.

In the meantime, I read about Ho'oponopono as much as I could. This friend from Costa Rica offered great support in providing me with information that I could use before the call. When I got the information from Joanie about the call, one of the recommendations was to clean “before, during, and after” the call. All this was new to me.

She provided some tools. I was really excited about having the opportunity to be in the call, from having access to the masters Dr. Hew Len and Mabel Katz. During the call I kept saying in my mind “I love you” in order to be clear. I got 2 very important insights regarding relationships during that class:

  • First, when Mabel stated that the perfect relationship is not the one that you agree with on everything, but the one that indicates you where to clean. I said that this is what my wife is doing, giving me an opportunity to clean. I was very grateful to my wife for that.
  • The second from Dr. Hew Len, who indicated that the most important relationship is the one that we have with ourselves. This concept shifted my mind and I started focusing on myself instead of trying to understand what was going on with my wife.

When the call ended, I felt free! It was really great, even though none of my own questions were specifically answered. I got the answer I was looking for when somebody else got the opportunity to ask a question about relationships.

I also got the answer I issued to my friend about the “method” I need to use to understand my wife. Somehow I feel that I asked from the bottom of my heart and the universe responded, “Ho'oponopono is the method that you are looking for.”

Since that call, I became Mabel's and Dr. Hew Len's student.

My wife does not know Ho'oponopono, and that it is OK. I am not making any attempt to force her to use this technique if she does not show interest or is inspired to do so.

This is not a restriction for me to use it. In order to clean I follow Mabel's recommendation. For example, if my wife gets upset for any reason and it butters me, I see directly to her eyes and repeat in my mind, “I am sorry. Please forgive for whatever is in me that has created this problem. I love you. Thank you.”

If I still feel discomfort I keep saying in my mind “I love you. Thank you”, until the discomfort disappears. Whatever I say to her or she says to me, after this cleaning process is magical, divine, and seems that the communication is established from soul to soul. This is amazing, and all I have to do is work on myself.

The other Ho'oponopono tool that I use is the Blue Solar Water. As soon I learned how to prepare it, I got 2 blue bottles filled up with tap water and placed them by my window. I leave for a day and store them in the fridge in a container at night. I drink at least one bottle per day. My kids had asked me to double the production because they started using it and they like it.

It is important to mention that I also use the Indigo Bowl method recommended to me by Dr. Hew Len. Mentally, I put all my problems, including relationships, on an indigo bowl suspended over the Haleakala Volcano in Hawaii. Then, I mentally change the color of all the content of the bowl from indigo to ice blue, and then to white. The next day I feel very refreshed.

How do I know that this is working in my relationship? Well, I acknowledge that there is no perfect relationship; however when my wife tells me “thank you for being the guy I married”, I feel really great.

On the other hand we can make agreements, create projects etc. The fact that last year my wife and I had a 5 day vacation trip to the Caribbean, after many years of dedication to our children was really wonderful. Also, we had a trip to our country of origin with our kids, which was a great experience for all the family.

Last week, when Mabel asked me to write something about how Ho'oponopono works for me in my relationship, I had an incident about money with my wife. I felt so bad, and for a moment I said, “how am going to tell Mabel that this works for me in my relationship if I am not happy right now?”

It was clear to me that it was not coming from inspiration, but from the data stored in my memory, which caused the problem. I knew I had to let go (clean it). That night I put a lot of time to clean, just mentally saying “I love you. Thank you.” With no expectations (very important!), before I went to bed I used the Indigo Bowl to clear all my problems. The next day I approached my wife and told her directly, “I am sorry. Please forgive me for creating the problem. I love you. Thank you.”

She looked at me, gave me a hug and said, “I am sorry, please forgive me for what I did.” Then, that imaginary wall that was separating us after the incident had disappeared. It just dissolved; all the bad feelings that I was having was released, so now I can reaffirm that Ho'oponopono works for me in my relationship.

I am aware that I have much more to clean. The difference is that now I have the method to do it. I do whatever is possible for me to do as a human being. The rest is up to God.

I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.

-Isaac Aguero



37 Responses to “How Ho'oponopono Works with Relationships”
  1. Erika L Soul says:

    Thank you Isaac for posting the link to this article on Ho'oponopono friends. It was very well written and I loved what you wrote. A great article and very honest that helps one get the cleaning even more. It has given me more inspiration and trust in doing it with my partner and the difficulties that happen between us. Relationships can be our biggest problem or our greatest opportunity.

    I have been doing the cleaning for over a year and a half now and I see the truth of this method reflected in many other areas. Just yesterday I was reading a book called "Letters to Gail" by Paul Twitchell, the founder of Eckankar, a spiritual path that came out in the 60's. In one section he explained what I have read in S.I.T.H. about the conscious and subconscious mind.

    Could I possibly have permission to post your article in other online places? If no, then I could just put the link to it and recommend it.

    -Erika L Soul

  2. Manraj says:

    Thank You.... Thank You...

  3. paresh says:

    thank you. I love you . I am sorry . Pl forgive me .

  4. Selina Cumba says:

    I love you & Thank you

    I am having an intimate relationship crisis i am so afraid that my partner will leave me, that I will be betrayed if i open up to intimacy in this relationship....

    • Mabel Katz says:

      You have to decide to trust and not hurt yourself anymore.
      Remember those are always memories from your past, you can choose to let go and allow God to erase.
      I clean!
      Thank you for the opportunity.

  5. shyamala says:

    two years back my nephew who stayed with me for the previous two years finished his study and went back to his parents. we had an amazing time together of mother and son. but now he just moved on not caring or remembering me. i spent most of the last two years in begging him to be in touch with me, possessively asking him to care and love as before, but he has completely withdrawn. i think he hates me now. i want to restore peace and harmony in our relationship and make it as divine as it was when it started.

  6. Anna says:

    Hi Mabel, thank you for your wonderful words and all the things you teach us about love and responsibility. I started practicing hooponopono one year ago and many things changed in my life for better. But I have never been experiencing such pain as I am now - my best friend whom I love deeply and care for a lot said after an argument that he needs time for himself and I feel like our relationship changed in one week completely which was so unexpected. There must be some bad energy between us even though the love is still present from both sides. What do I do? I feel so upset. I keep cleaning every day, I close my eyes and imagine him, I imagine our time together as well as simple things like me rubbing his head and hugging him, I feel the emotional pain and I repeat "I love you". Do you think it will bring peace and our love and friendship back? I just want us to love each other completely the way we used to without any emotional and sad baggage... Did you have any experiences that hooponopono really healed some relationships in your life? Please reply and thank you so much! I love you!

    • Mabel Katz says:

      Everything is a blessing even if it doesn't look like. Please concentrate in being OK just by your self. Enjoy this time. Do especial things for yourself. Things you enjoy. Let go and let God. Know that if it is right he will come back. If not, something better awaits you. Attachments are not good, so this will take you to the next level, alone or or together.
      Let go and TRUST!

  7. Rushikesh says:

    Hi Mabel,
    I used ho'oponopono from last year that is awesome but sometime it doesn't work
    I have a relationship problems my girlfriend hurt me and live me alone..4 times she left me we have a family issues we are In inter cast so her parents not accept me for that reason she always left me I tried to convince her but she can't understand she hurts me
    How to heal our relationship? I want her back plz reply thank you and I love you!

    • Mabel Katz says:

      It always works, but sometimes not how you "expect". Remember, everything is perfect and a blessing even if it doesn't look like.
      Trust that God knows better. Trust that if she doesn't come back is because there is something better.
      Clean, whatever gets erased from you, it will get erased from her.

  8. Rushikesh says:

    Hello Mabel
    I read the book easiest way to live special edition it was totally amazing. There stories and explanation is awesome. I practiced ho'oponopono and I read the book 2 times but I get confused. I used the tool that is ''i am sorry please forgive me for whatever it is in me that is creating this'' and then " thank you", "i love you" continues.
    This is the proper process of cleaning?
    Every morning I practiced this and then " thank you" or "i love you " whole day saying
    Please suggest me is this tool and process this correct??
    Thank you..I love you

  9. Arnab Sarkar says:

    Hello Mabel,

    The only source of knowledge regarding Ho'oponopono is your articles and the videos available in YouTube.

    The problem is I love this girl in office and would like to marry her. We started off well since September last year. But now she says that I am not her husband material and neither she is my wife material. She says that she has no doubts that I will love her and take care of her post marriage but fears that after 2-3 years problems will occur. She had a 12 year old relationship before n she was dumped. This is driving me nuts. I have cried n cried. She says that we are best of friends and she does not have feelings for me as her boyfriend. She adds that initially she had but since I sm impractical and kiddish she will not be able to marry me.
    Please help me...I love her from the heart and soul.

    I love you, I am sorry, Please forgive me, Thank You.

    • Mabel Katz says:

      Just be YOU. Do not change. Love and accept yourself just the way you are. Realize you do not need anybody outside yourself. Do things that make you happy by yourself. You want to come from wanting, not needing. You don't want to beg for love. Attachments are not good, even if you convince her. Let go and TRUST. If it has to be, it will be. If not, something better is coming your way!

  10. Mahdis says:

    Hi dear mabel
    Please help me. I do ho oponopo about relationship and connect between my husband and my parents . Beacause they always do fighting and argument. They hate together. I need your help. I love my parents and my husband but i cant stand t. Please help me
    Thanks for help

    • Mabel Katz says:

      You job is to stay at peace, not to fix your parent's relationship. You have to be happy and do what works for you, sometimes you can love people at a distance, and you definitely do not need to be in their presence to clean with somebody. Take good care of yourself. Remember, when you clean, whatever gets erased from you, it gets erased from them.

  11. Sara says:

    I've been very hurt by several things my partner did. Repeated lying, nasty skeletons in the closet have emerged. He's gone way beyond what I find acceptable in relationships. But through fear I didn't act on my instincts, which was to break up with him after the first misdemeanor. How can I use this technique to move forward. He won't communicate about the relationship.

    • Mabel Katz says:

      Allow God to guide you, then whatever happens will be perfect for everybody. Let go and TRUST.
      Always follow your heart and what feels good to you. You need to put yourself first and do what works for you.

      Thank you for the opportunity.

  12. brahnwyn says:

    I want my ex back but all we do is argue and can never be civil with each other

  13. sama says:

    hi dear Mabel, please reply...
    i am in 9 years relationship with a guy that he really loves me and says it more and more. he really wanna be with me but without marring. after a lot of fighting,i made a decision to leave him 1 month ago to may he convince marry me or not(it was only decision that i could make). i have been doing hooponopono for 1 month. i try to have no expectation and let it go and let it God. in this period of time nothing have inspired me.every moments i do hooponopono but there is nothing as inspiration that i follow it and also nothing happens. even i cant forget him. i perceive hooponopono and i know i am responsible 100% and i forgive all and myself. but there is no inspiration inside me to do. do i do hooponopono correctly?

  14. silay says:

    hello mabel, i have just came accross accidentally about ho'oponopono 2 days back while i was searching for any success stories of rekindling with your ex back using thr kaw of attraction. i was fascinated on how people are manifesting their specific person with the use of LOA but ive read one success story on reconvikiation with her ex bf from a woman then she mentiomed that she has used the ho'oponopono so i git curious and then searched about it. now im trying to practice it and somehow it was helping me on not being angry and resentment on my 9 years boyfriend who has ignored me due to our big argument last july 27. he hates me treats me like an enemy. i know that i contributed so many things regarfingnour disputes. i was very insecure,needy and very jealous. both of us has trust issues. i always complain about him having lack of interest and accusing him of cheating again with his close girl friends at work. whats worst is that we live in the same flat and we are working together til now. i am hurting seeing him very happy with his friends at work while he treats me like an enemy. he doesnt even want to talk to me ever agai. i would just like to ask if this practice can really help us heal and forgive each other. if this can really make miracles since ive been so desperate looking for some solutions on mending our broken relationship. i also dont know how to really practice it. thankyou very much for your help.

    • Mabel Katz says:

      Don't take it personally. Just memories replaying. We don't know what is right, but God knows. let go and let God do what is correct and perfect for everybody. Just say thank you. There is a blessing behind it.

  15. Shilpashree says:

    I was in love with a guy named Arun
    We both used to love each other so much
    We were in relationship for 4 months.
    Most often we used to fight due to misunderstanding
    So we taught of being quiet for sometime without any communication
    Thn suddenly he said that he told about our relationship in home and his parents won't Accept it
    So will have break up and will continue as friends
    But I can't Evan imagine anyone in his place I love him truely whole hartedly and unconditionally
    I tried to convince him so much but it's of no use it's now 5 months he left all because of his family members
    But I can't live without my Aru I don't know what to do and how convince him.
    Please help me.

  16. Shilpashree says:

    I was in love with a guy named Aru
    We both used to love each other so much
    We were in relationship for 4 months.
    Most often we used to fight due to misunderstanding
    So we taught of being quiet for sometime without any communication
    Thn suddenly he said that he told about our relationship in home and his parents won't Accept it
    So will have break up and will continue as friends
    But I can't Evan imagine anyone in his place I love him truely whole hartedly and unconditionally
    I tried to convince him so much but it's of no use it's now 5 months he left all because of his family members
    But I can't live without my Aru I don't know what to do and how convince him.
    Please help me.

    • Mabel Katz says:

      Please let go and TRUST. Leave it in God's hands. God can help you. Only He knows what is right for both of you. TRUST. You are not alone. If he is not the one, there is someone better for you. Don't see yourself as a victim. TRUST. If he is not willing to go against his family for you, he is not the one. Why would you want somebody that doesn't put you first?

  17. Carolina dawson says:

    Restored my relationship and my boyfriend came back to me.

    • Mabel Katz says:

      We don't know if it's right that your partner comes back. Please let go and let God. Accept. Be grateful. Everything happens for a reason. Always a blessing in disguised

  18. Rekha says:

    I´m having a broken relationship iam using hohoponopono technique. Nowadays I feel so happy and I feel my love will be back. I´m doing it daily.. Plz send ur wishes n blessings to me... To heal my relationship.. Plz send ur suggestion..thank you thank you thank you

  19. ZaraWilliams says:

    I want so badly to work things out with my ex. I understand that healing needs to come first. I can't let go of the anxiety of the possibility of it not working out. I'm having a hard time connecting by just repeating these words.

    • Mabel Katz says:

      Please do it with no expectations. Look to be at peace even if things don't work.

      Trust God knows what is right for you. Every challenge is a blessing in disguise. Maybe something better is coming.

      Let go and open your mind.

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