How Ho'oponopono Works with RelationshipsHow Ho'oponopono Works with Relationships
Published: January 21, 2009
A year ago, I reached a point that I could not understand my wife. It was hard to make agreements, even to define the type of Pizza to buy for dinner. At that moment I knew that I needed help.
Without wasting time, I contacted a friend in Nicaragua who had experience working with couples. I emailed her asking the following question: “What technique can I use to understand my wife? I need to be coached before I loose my patience; how much will you charge for phone or e-mail consultations?” She responded to my e-mail stating that I had issued a serious question that can not be answered in a quick manner. She needed more details about the aspects on which the problems were appearing and asked me what my contribution to this problem was.
I explained that basically I needed help to find the right way to deal with the negative energy that I was experiencing when my wife was upset. Sometimes I could not understand her reaction to some simple questions that I asked her, and honestly, I was not aware how I was causing this. My friend had to participate in a congress in Guatemala. I just had to wait for her to respond to continue my consultation.
Finally, I got an e-mail from her. She did not mention anything about my request. Instead, she sent a nice power point presentation about el arte de callar y las Máscaras Venecianas (the art of silence and Venetian's masks) to a list of recipients. The body of her message said “el arte de callar nos hace sabios, y el arte de hablar cuando corresponde nos hace amigos (the art of silence makes us wiser, and the art of speaking when appropriate makes us friends).
One of the recipients of this e-mail could not open the attachment and asked for help from the rest of the members on the list. I did not know this person, however, as a courtesy, I sent her the attachment. She was very grateful and we kept in touch.
One day she sent me information about Ho'oponopono in Spanish. It was rich in content and had the collection that was done by a Brazilian artist about this problem solving method. However, I could not understand how to apply it.
She then recommended me a book from Mabel Katz “The Easiest Way”. I searched the internet and found that Mabel Katz and Dr. Hew Len were going to give a teleconference on January 23, 2008. I did not hesitate one bit and I ended up registering for the teleconference.
In the meantime, I read about Ho'oponopono as much as I could. This friend from Costa Rica offered great support in providing me with information that I could use before the call. When I got the information from Joanie about the call, one of the recommendations was to clean “before, during, and after” the call. All this was new to me.
She provided some tools. I was really excited about having the opportunity to be in the call, from having access to the masters Dr. Hew Len and Mabel Katz. During the call I kept saying in my mind “I love you” in order to be clear. I got 2 very important insights regarding relationships during that class:
- First, when Mabel stated that the perfect relationship is not the one that you agree with on everything, but the one that indicates you where to clean. I said that this is what my wife is doing, giving me an opportunity to clean. I was very grateful to my wife for that.
- The second from Dr. Hew Len, who indicated that the most important relationship is the one that we have with ourselves. This concept shifted my mind and I started focusing on myself instead of trying to understand what was going on with my wife.
When the call ended, I felt free! It was really great, even though none of my own questions were specifically answered. I got the answer I was looking for when somebody else got the opportunity to ask a question about relationships.
I also got the answer I issued to my friend about the “method” I need to use to understand my wife. Somehow I feel that I asked from the bottom of my heart and the universe responded, “Ho'oponopono is the method that you are looking for.”
Since that call, I became Mabel's and Dr. Hew Len's student.
My wife does not know Ho'oponopono, and that it is OK. I am not making any attempt to force her to use this technique if she does not show interest or is inspired to do so.
This is not a restriction for me to use it. In order to clean I follow Mabel's recommendation. For example, if my wife gets upset for any reason and it butters me, I see directly to her eyes and repeat in my mind, “I am sorry. Please forgive for whatever is in me that has created this problem. I love you. Thank you.”
If I still feel discomfort I keep saying in my mind “I love you. Thank you”, until the discomfort disappears. Whatever I say to her or she says to me, after this cleaning process is magical, divine, and seems that the communication is established from soul to soul. This is amazing, and all I have to do is work on myself.
The other Ho'oponopono tool that I use is the Blue Solar Water. As soon I learned how to prepare it, I got 2 blue bottles filled up with tap water and placed them by my window. I leave for a day and store them in the fridge in a container at night. I drink at least one bottle per day. My kids had asked me to double the production because they started using it and they like it.
It is important to mention that I also use the Indigo Bowl method recommended to me by Dr. Hew Len. Mentally, I put all my problems, including relationships, on an indigo bowl suspended over the Haleakala Volcano in Hawaii. Then, I mentally change the color of all the content of the bowl from indigo to ice blue, and then to white. The next day I feel very refreshed.
How do I know that this is working in my relationship? Well, I acknowledge that there is no perfect relationship; however when my wife tells me “thank you for being the guy I married”, I feel really great.
On the other hand we can make agreements, create projects etc. The fact that last year my wife and I had a 5 day vacation trip to the Caribbean, after many years of dedication to our children was really wonderful. Also, we had a trip to our country of origin with our kids, which was a great experience for all the family.
Last week, when Mabel asked me to write something about how Ho'oponopono works for me in my relationship, I had an incident about money with my wife. I felt so bad, and for a moment I said, “how am going to tell Mabel that this works for me in my relationship if I am not happy right now?”
It was clear to me that it was not coming from inspiration, but from the data stored in my memory, which caused the problem. I knew I had to let go (clean it). That night I put a lot of time to clean, just mentally saying “I love you. Thank you.” With no expectations (very important!), before I went to bed I used the Indigo Bowl to clear all my problems. The next day I approached my wife and told her directly, “I am sorry. Please forgive me for creating the problem. I love you. Thank you.”
She looked at me, gave me a hug and said, “I am sorry, please forgive me for what I did.” Then, that imaginary wall that was separating us after the incident had disappeared. It just dissolved; all the bad feelings that I was having was released, so now I can reaffirm that Ho'oponopono works for me in my relationship.
I am aware that I have much more to clean. The difference is that now I have the method to do it. I do whatever is possible for me to do as a human being. The rest is up to God.
I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.